‘With the Global Recession and Credit Crunch about to render us all penniless it may seem like commercial suicide to be offering free products. We are however determined to lead this country out of the doldrums by GIVING AWAY one free random (But superb) badge with every ten that you purchase.

Senior economists have predicted that this gesture will help strengthen the £, re-establish confidence in the FTSE 100, and almost certainly reduce the cost of oil, the net effect of which will mean we won’t all need to revert back to being troglodytes.

If you feel strongly that this borderline act of charity should result in us receiving some form of recognition in the Queen’s Honours List, please feel free to contact the relevant government body immediately’